Back Behind Those Prison Walls

October 8th thru 15th, 2012

So I went through the morning in a cloud of depression and confusion.  I waited for Betty to arrive and Drake napped most of the morning.  The drugs, that I had happily put him on to get through these few days until I returned him to prison, had kept him quiet at an expense.  He didn't seem any happier, but was clearly stoned.  Napping and barking.  It had been almost a month since I had brought him home with so much enthusiasm and hope.  I clearly needed some time to reflect on what had happened and what I could do.  The helplessness that I felt was robbing me of any common dog sense that I had.  As I continued to wipe tears throughout the morning, I hoped that I would be okay for the trip.  I wondered if I could get my mind off of Drake.

Betty had offered to drive me to Lockhart so that I could hold him for the trip.  I reassured him as we winded down highway 20.  He was quiet, stoned was a more appropriate word.  I would have rather told Betty to go on to Beeville without me  and stayed with Drake.  The only thing that stopped me from that was that I knew he would be better off away from me.  I was no good for him now and keeping him would be a selfish act.  I could only pray that I could get some rest and be ready for him next Friday.

I walked him back up the stairs, that he had walked down just a short while ago, holding his little blue leash in my hand.  Once inside, they asked us to wait for Machelle outside, because Betty had her purse.  Machelle came out hugged us both and took his leash.  Reassured me and promptly returned through the prison door.  My heart in the pit of my stomach, I tried to get my mind on reminiscing and the good old days. 

I realized how long our journey would be and how each little move would have consequences.  I pushed him too fast.  I had taken short cuts with drugs.  My house was not the best choice for a dog like him, but I knew it had to work.  He was my dog now and I had to make better choices.  I should not have planned the trip to Beeville right now.  I would have to say no to other people like Melody and her animals.  I had allowed way too much to get on my plate, as usual and this could not happen again.  I had to focus on what I wanted and I wanted this little boy to be happy.